In my years of working with many different clients, I have appreciated their ways of thinking and their insights, despite how it may look because it deepens my understanding of conflict for others.

There is one common consciousness issue that I have seen arise for many different people, including myself, despite big differences in our circumstances.

I often talk about the consciousness of Separation, so what is it?

Separation, by definition, is the action or state of moving or being moved apart. When we pair this with understanding of consciousness. It is a theory that consciousness, we all share, comes from Source, and it is our bodymind that has unique characteristics. We become aware and accepting of ourselves, and then others when we are healthy. On the spiritual side, we know that we are all one, connected by consciousness, by source, we are all “one soul”, but we now have different “bodies”, and the illusion of separation is through our perception and our role here.

When we begin to feel separation take hold, what we begin experiencing is belief systems associated to emotions triggered by our experiences.

For example, when separation becomes unhealthy for us, we begin to experience the following:

*Alienated

*Loneliness or longing

*Need to hide behind identities, “masks” so how we project “who we are”

*Feeling like we constantly have to improve ourselves in order to gain acceptance

*Feeling unaccepted by others

*Lowered self esteem

*Feeling like you do not belong or fit in anywhere

*Believing you’re unloveable

*Thinking that you’re “weird”

*Assumptions that no one would like the real you

*Apathy for other’s emotions and experiences

*Feeling like everyone is out to get you

*Lack of trust

*Feeling left behind

We do have to adapt to specific circumstances, but as we do so, we have to have some flexibility as well as being in integrity with self, and act appropriately in the moment. However, when we have very inflexible beliefs about the above that leaves us feeling inadequate, we never let our guard down and we are never ourselves around others.

When we work through these issues, we restore our connection to the heart centre. The more we feel separated, the more we disconnect from ourselves and can feel like “I don’t know who I am”.

This has been something that has been a major struggle for me in the past. I was scared to speak up and be myself because I was afraid that would get me in trouble somehow or that I would be judged and ridiculed.

Looking back, I have no clue where it started, however I walked on eggshells around everyone. I think when you have upset one or two people and they go into a severe rage and you’re a young child, that makes a big impression and can make you feel like you’re misunderstood. Or when someone betrays your trust multiple times, for example, when someone in the family is trusted to pick you up after kindergarten and you sit and wait, they never come, and this happens over and over with said person. It could take one person to laugh at your hair, clothes, smile, etc for you to start thinking differently. Or for your group of friends to leave you out of plans regularly, if you’ve even managed to make friends.

It starts very young. Our beliefs begin to imprint during gestation until the age of 10 and then we build on them from there. It is important, when working with kids or having kids, to try and build their self esteem to help them through this and to know they can trust.

How do we balance this consciousness issue?

Regardless of age – we can work on our self esteem and acceptance. You can do this through affirmations, through solfeggio frequencies, through counselling, meditation, a integrative health practitioner, whatever works for you. Majority of our issues can stem from our own lack of acceptance of ourselves and that will reflect in how little we accept others – or we go to the other extreme and are accepting of anything in hopes of it in return.

If we do not accept who we are, we rely on external validation, which will lead to eventual dissapointment and internal separation of self to self.

Often, awareness can be enough to shift, memories may surface of what has added to it or potentially changed our point of view at a young age.

Disengaging in conflict. When we engage in conflict with others, we are promoting that it is me against the world, victimisation, blaming others, power struggles, domination or submission.

Stop being a people pleaser! When we do this, we are manipulating ourselves and we are not being ourselves at all. We do this for a reward, you get what you want from others by being a certain way. It is the punishment versus reward…I need to meet others expectations in order to get what I want like dessert, safety, attention, control, but if you do what is natural you will be punished. Punishment comes in various forms, it can be criticism, alienation, physical abuse, emotional, ridicule, or in younger years detention, grounded, etc.

While I say to stop, I know all too well it is easier said than done. It is self awareness that will help you realise, “Am I doing this and being genuine? Or am I getting something out of being this way?” Even that can seem like a trick question when we are feeling hurt and unheard. Often we will raise our voices in order to be heard – but how often does that actually happen? Or we say yes to something because we want someone to continue liking us and we are afraid of them being mad at us, when we know we are incapable of performing that task.

Stopping and asking yourself, is this belief I have true? The answer is usually no. The emotions are very real, and because of emotional charges we end up creating or adding to a belief, but it usually isn’t the truth.

Start by looking at how you view yourself, how you do with others, look at your sincerity as well as your agendas. It requires DEEP HONESTY. We all want to believe we are genuine, sincere and its others who are to blame. This will perpetuate this cycle. What role are you playing in it all? This will help lead to a-ha’s and break throughs.

At one point, despite my cynicsm, my anger, my stress, I thought nothing bugged me and I was a pleasant person. When I began to get honest with myself, I was able to see the anger, the cynical views, the confusion, the hurt and I was able to see that while many experiences were out of my control, I am in control of what I choose to believe.

It was that day that I chose to work through my subconscious beliefs, bring them to the surface, and know that I deserve real human connection with others, that I am enough, that I have tons to offer, that I am not this broken lonely person I identified with my whole life who didn’t fit in anywhere.

If you have worked through this I would love to hear some comments and stories!

If you want to learn more about how I can help you work through these issues as well, send me an email! ❤

-Cassandra Clegg